


Parts of Me

by VillageVoice



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: 3x15, Angst, AvaLance, Break Up, But she speaks the truth, Death, F/F, Fix-It, Girlfriends - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Mallus - Freeform, Self-Doubt, Zari is a little shit, epsiode tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 15:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14047773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VillageVoice/pseuds/VillageVoice
Summary: “You left.”“You don't want me.”In which Sara and Ava are both miserable after the break-up and Zari - amazing, loveable Zari, convinces Sara that death is only a part of her.





	Parts of Me

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't stand the look of absolute devastation in Ava's eyes or deal with how lowly Sara thinks of herself, so I had to fix it! I'm still holding out hope they get back together soon, but until then I had to bring them back together myself because my poor little heart could not take it.

“You left.” Sara said immediately after stepping through a portal into Ava's living room.

Ava was not at all surprised to see Sara. It was fitting, really. It had been a week since they last saw one another. A long seven days of avoiding any and all contact with any of the Legends leaving Gary to deal with them when necessary, long hours at the Bureau, crying herself to sleep at night and way more alcohol than she cared to admit. Tonight she had left work early, being simply too exhausted to be of any use so of course Sara would show up. Without looking at her uninvited guest Ava just poured herself another drink from the bottle on the coffee table in front of her and leaned back against the couch. “You don't want me, Sara.”

“I _never_ said that I don't want you.” Sara said forcefully. Yes, this entire thing was her fault and her doing, but her feelings were never the issue. What she and Ava have _-had -_ was real and amazing and probably the healthiest relationship she'd ever had. _“_ In fact, I said you make me the happiest I've ever been in my life. That's not something I say to just anyone.”

It had scared her, at first, the depth of her feelings for the new director and how quickly said feelings had developed. If she was being honest with herself she would admit to that much. Ava knew her on another level. Knew all her flaws, her fears, her secrets, and chose to be with her anyway. She hadn't, and didn't, take that lightly. “I've never said that or felt that way about anyone.”

“And yet you ended it anyway, so...” Ava shrugged taking another drink from the glass in her hand, downing it in its entirety before another refill. “Lot of good it did.”

Sara sighed sadly. She deserved this. She absolutely did. She saw the look on Ava's face that night. She knew how badly she hurt her.

The scene before her broke Sara's heart. Ava was such a strong woman. She rolled her eyes in the face of angry, Beebo worshipping vikings, kicked a mob of pirates asses without breaking a sweat and ignored her own safety - twice - to reach into another dimension to rescue Sara. There was nothing Ava Sharpe couldn't do. To see her like this - sunken back into her couch with a half drank bottle of rum in front of her, eyes red and lacking their usual life or fire, hair looking like she had been anxiously running her hands through it like she did when trying to get something to make sense in her mind - broke Sara.

But, it also made her feel like she could breathe again just being in the same space as the other woman. Because this was Ava. How was someone supposed to feel when mere steps away from the love of their life? Even when the rift between them was pushing them further away then they had ever been, just standing across from her made Sara feel almost whole again. More whole than she’d been lately, at least.

She needed a drink. Grabbing the bottle off the table, Sara brought it to her lips to take a long pull. At the familiar burning in the back of her throat she turned the bottle in her hands and saw the label.

Ava scoffed. “Really felt like punishing myself.”

Sara looked away and took another swig before putting the bottle back. It should have been a happy memory. Them drinking their rum floats after fighting pirates - which was foreplay really - and then going back to Sara's room for the first night they spent together. Instead she had tainted it. Had taken something good and happy, one of the few truly happy memories she had in her life, and ruined it.  
  


* * *

  
“This is stupid.” Zari sighed as she walked into the galley and took in the sight of their Captain. Break-ups sucked. It was a fact of life and everyone grieved them in their own way, but Sara was simply heartbreaking to see. For someone who had always been so confident and sure of herself Sara was now lost and unsure. The White Canary was still her ruthless self and Sara Lance, Captain of the Waverider, was still the strong, brave and fearless leader her team needed. But the woman who was simply  _Sara_ was broken.

Sara could compartmentalize like nobody's business. She was great at locking her feelings away when she had something in front of her to deal with and focus on, but as soon as that was over, as soon as she had a moment to breathe, when the anachronism was fixed and there was no one left to fight, when there was a lull or she was alone or thought no one was looking, it all came to the surface and she just looked completely devastated. Like her entire world had crumbled down around her and she had been left to deal with the aftermath alone.

Sara had been so sure that what she did was the right move. Ava deserved better. The other woman was...wonderful. She was smart and tough and funny and sweet. Not to mention one of the best partners Sara had ever had in bed.

_“John's fun...well he's no Ava Sharpe.”_

When she kissed Ava it was like everything but them ceased to exist. The second their lips touched Sara could feel everything Ava felt for her. Ava loved much in the same way she worked – full speed ahead, all or nothing, with everything she had, and then somehow still found more to give.

Just one look and Sara felt like she could be the person Ava needed, that Ava deserved. But she wasn’t, she couldn’t be, and she never would. She was . .. she was death and nothing would ever change that.

 _“That was me.”  
_ _"Deep down...I am death.”_

“It'll be better for her in the long run.” Sara said, more to assure herself than anyone else. None of the Legends believed her, they all made her well aware of that. “She deserves-”

“It's not up to you to determine what anyone deserves, Sara.” The totem-bearer took a seat beside her captain. “Ava is a strong woman,” she said, softer, doing all she could to convey her words. To get Sara out of her own head and to feel what she was saying. “She knew exactly what she was getting into.”

“I don't want to hurt her.”

Zari tilted her head to the side. “You already have,” she said softly.

Sara shook her head, trying to pull from every bit of self discipline she had to not let a single fall, but it was of no use. This pain was cutting her too deep and there was only so long she could keep it inside. “Z, I'm death. And Ava-”

“Ava's a big girl. She's the Director of the Time Bureau. She knows exactly who you are Sara.”

“This is a part of me. It will always be there.”

When Sara eventually looked up and met Zari's eyes again, the corners of Zari's lips turned up in a small smile as she reached over and put her hand over Sara's. “Key word being _part_ . It's a _part_ of you. It's not _you._ There are so many parts to what makes each of us who we are. Yes, a part of you is death. You have seen and done things I won't try to justify, but you're not like that anymore. You’re . . .” Zari looked around as she pulled the words she needed. “Protective. And funny. And smart. You're a damn good captain. It can't be easy to lead this rag-tag team of misfits that we are, but you do it. Everyday. You put the wellbeing of everyone who ever lived on this planet high above your own to restore futures for people who will never know your name, much less what you did and sacrificed for them . . . and you love with a force I've never seen before. Someone who was just death wouldn't be any of those other things.”

Sara took a deep breath as she took in Zari's words. All she could see was death. Of course she knew that's not all she was, but it seemed to overshadow everything else. How could someone who had done such horrible things be allowed to be happy? Wouldn't that be akin to dancing on the graves to everyone she had hurt? Why should she get happiness when they got nothing?

“You fight against the darkness that's inside of you everyday. You live with more pain than one person should be able to withstand. You've died...I don't even know how many times at this point,” they both shared a soft laugh at that. “You have to live with what you've done, with who you are. That's your punishment. You've paid for everything you've done, Sara. There's light inside of you too. You deserve to be happy. And honestly, if you believed this was for the best you wouldn't be sitting here trying to convince yourself that what you did was the right thing.”

Sara looked away from the woman beside her as she tried to gather her thoughts. Going along with this _part_ theme Zari seemed determine to get her to see, part of her wanted to stay right where she was. Forget about Ava Sharpe - definitely forget that look in her eyes when she called her her girlfriend - and move on with her life. A life that revolved around fixing anachronisms and one night stands when she felt the urge. A life where Ava could be with someone deserving of her. But another part, and the winning part if she was being honest, wanted to run to Ava and fix this before it was too late.

She fought against that part every second of every day. She fought against it when she crawled into bed and ran her hand over the cold pillow Ava used to use. As she leaned down to smell the scent of Ava that somehow still lingered on her pillow. As she read and re-read the note she left. As she looked at the pictures she had taken on her phone of Ava, of them together, smiles on their lips and love in their eyes. As she drowned herself in a bottle while re-watching video messages Ava left her or conversations they'd had that Gideon thought would be best not to re-watch, but Sara was the Captain and Gideon would always obey her Captain.

“You made Ava happy,” Zari began again, not wanting Sara to get too lost back inside her head. “You want to focus on what she deserves? Doesn't she deserve that?”

“She can find it with someone else.” The words physically hurt to say.

Zari pursed her lips with a sigh. There was only so much she, or anyone, could do or say that would make any difference. Sara Lance was a stubborn woman and would do what she wanted how she wanted when she wanted, but in this case she knew Sara wanted two very different things. She wanted Ava to be with someone she deserved. Someone wonderful who didn't feel consumed by darkness. Someone Sara didn't think she was. And she wanted to be with Ava. Desperately wanted to be the person she felt the other woman deserved. Someone she never thought she could be.

“Can she?” Zari asked with a raised brow. “You didn't see you two together. You both turned into different people around each other. It was actually quite sickening, really,” she chuckled, hoping to add a little humor to lighten the mood, but only made Sara choke back a sob. “You both looked . . . just so happy, and . . .” It was then that Zari realized. “You're in love with her, aren't you?”

Sara let out a long breath and wiped her face. After a few long moments she nodded slowly. “Of course I am. But it's only been a week. It was my choice to end things. I will walk around for the rest of my life feeling like a piece of my heart was ripped out of my chest, but Ava-”

“Ava's a mess.”

“How-”

“Gary,” Zari said simply and Sara sighed. “He said no one will even walk by her office. Granted she's the top bitch now, but apparently it's gotten to the point where they draw straws when it's absolutely necessary for someone to talk to her. If you thought she was unpleasant at first, now it's-”

Sara held her hand up. She didn't need, or want, to know any more. “It's only been a week. She will move on. Every relationship gets a mourning period when it ends, but...she'll be fine,” Sara stated firmly. She had to believe Ava would be fine, happy even, eventually. Anything else, anything less, was not an option. This was all for Ava. So that she could find someone she deserved and who deserved her and be happy. Happier than Sara could ever make her.

“If you think she doesn't feel the same way you do you're delusional,” Zari began as she stood up. As much as she liked to use humor or sarcasm to get her points across in a gentle manner, it was time for some tough love. “You don't get to determine what someone else deserves. _But,_ if you did, doesn't Ava deserve to be with the person she loves? So what if that person also has a dark side and did bad things in the past? It's only a part of her. None of that says who else that person is or who they will be. Or, how happy they can make her or how fiercely they can love her. I think that person deserves happiness too. But, you know . . .” Reaching over, Zari tapped Sara's phone screen revealing a picture of Sara and Ava together that Gideon had taken showing the two looking at one another with so much love in their eyes that it made _her_ heart ache for the situation. “Who am I to tell her what she deserves?”

Sara watched Zari walk away out of the corner of her eye before turning to the picture on her screen.

 _“There's somebody out there for you. And for more than just...a night.”  
_ _“Funny, that was my takeaway too.”_

Sara shook her head as Alex Danvers's words replayed in her head. At the time she had believed it. She'd be lying if she didn't say her words were a guiding force in her and Ava getting together. But then Mallus happened and the death totem happened and made her feel like she had just been pretending to be happy. That she had been ignoring the part of her that was death. Only she hadn't been pretending. She _had_ been happy with Ava. Ridiculously, rom-com level happy. The kind of happy people think is only attainable in TV or movies or paperback novels. The kind of happy people don’t let themselves believe exists because anything less would be settling.

This part of her had always been there and yet, still, she had been happy. As her fingers swiped through the pictures of her and Ava, she shook her head. She was death, but she was happy too, in these pictures, with Ava.

Her finger traced the line of Ava's jaw in a candid she had taken of them doing absolutely nothing, but something had made Ava laugh so Sara snapped a picture without her noticing. Ava _was_ a big girl. She _did_ know who Sara was, what she had done, and chose to be with her anyway. Death was only a _part_ of her. There were other parts too. Good parts. It was hard for her to see them, but Zari was right.

Maybe she could be what Ava deserved. Maybe she should give Ava the chance to determine that for herself. “She's never going to want me back after I . . . after I broke her heart,” she whispered to herself.

“Call her!”

Sara chuckled and flipped off the general direction of the open doorway. “Bunch of eavesdropping hooligans, I tell ya,” she laughed to herself, feeling a little better than she had this past week. She needed to talk to Ava. Zari was right. She had no right to decide what Ava deserved. That was up to Ava.

_“We can fight that part of you together.”_

She didn't have to pretend that a part of her wasn't dark, or anything other than exactly what it was with Ava. Ava saw her. _Really_ saw her, and wanted her anyway. Still chose her despite it all. Maybe that showed an underlying issue within Ava herself, but whatever it was it believed in her. Some days it was hard for Sara to see anything but darkness inside of her, but there was. Ava saw it. The director saw everything good and coaxed it out of her bit by bit until Sara had forgotten the dark parts of herself. Of course then Mallus pulled them back out of her, but Ava still wanted her after that. Wanted her in all of her parts the good and the bad.

She had a bad habit of going into things thinking of how they would end, and she needed to work on that, but maybe they wouldn't end. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Ava and if Ava gave them a second chance maybe she still would, but she wanted to try not to. More than anything she wanted to the reason for that light in Ava's eyes she loved so much.

_“At the end of the day, love is worth the risk.”_

“You love us!” Zari teased, poking her head back into the room. “Now please go and talk to Ava because the kids are sad and we want our space mommies back together.”  
  


* * *

  
“Okay, so maybe I don't know _all_ the darkness you hold inside of you,” Ava began, standing up and swaying slightly. Sara's eyes shot to the bottle on the table. It had probably been full when Ava started and she knew from checking in with Gary that Ava had left work hours ago so she'd had plenty of time to sit and drink, and stew.

“I don't know everything. There's only so much a file can tell you about a person and if I've learned anything about you it's that you are so much more than than anything I've read. You are...you're...warm, Sara,” Ava deflated, seeming to sober quickly. Sara could see how much what she was thinking hurt her. How whatever she thought of Sara had felt to discover, and then lose. “You're...fearless and determined. You are loyal and...” she trailed off with the shake of her head. “God, Sara, just your smile...

“I don't know all the darkness you think you have inside of you, but I have darkness that you don't know too. And still I wanted to try. Maybe we wouldn't have worked out. Maybe we were doomed from the start, both of us too damaged to make it work-”

Sara chuckled and looked at Ava with a raised brow. “You don't believe that.”

Ava let out a long breath and let herself fall back down onto the couch, all the fire she'd just been speaking with seeming to dissipate and in its place, resignation. She shook her head sadly as a fresh wave of tears broke free. “No. I don't,” she said sadly. “I think we could have been great.”

Sara wanted nothing more than to comfort the woman in front of her. To take her in her arms and kiss the pain in her tears away, to make everything better, but she resisted. She resisted because she hurt Ava, deeply, and she deserved to stand there and have her heart break a little more at each and every word Ava said. She owed her at least that. To hear her and take on a little of her pain in whatever way she could.

“But,” Ava began again with a sad, wet chuckle. “You don't want me-”

“Hey!” Sara would take whatever verbal beating she had coming, she deserved that, but she would be damned if she let Ava say, or think, that she didn't want her. With a sigh she sat beside Ava and reached through the distance between them. With her hand softly on Ava's cheek she turned the other woman to look at her and blinked back her own tears at the utter devastation staring back at her. “I have never wanted anything more than I want you. You are everything I never let myself want.”

Ava leaned into Sara's touch as a few more tears escaped her control. “Then why?”

“You deserve-”

“What I deserve isn't up to you!”

Sara chuckled softly. “Zari said that too.”

The mention of the Legend's name seemed to snap Ava back to herself and she pulled away from Sara's touch. Tearing her eyes away from Sara's she took a deep breath. “Why are you here, Sara?” Ava could handle a lot. Hell, she was the Director of the Time Bureau and had put up with Sara being a pain in her ass for longer than should have been necessary, but having Sara both this close and so far away was not something she could handle.

“My relationships always end badly-”

“If you go into them thinking that, of course they do. Each relationship has to be a clean slate destined to succeed or fail on it's own. Not because that's your...pattern, or whatever you think it is.”

Sara nodded, taking it all in. Was everyone better at relationships than she was? She knew all of this. In theory, anyway. In practice, well... “Old habits die hard.”

Ava's brow furrowed in confusion. “Look, Sara, I don't know what you expected of me? Was I supposed to stay after you broke up with me? Was I supposed to fight for you? Is that what you wanted? Because I tried, but every time I opened my mouth you shot me down and I'm not about to stay where I'm not wanted.”

Sara wished she could show Ava how badly she _was_ wanted, but she understood that both her words and actions showed Ava the exact opposite. She had come here to fix this. To ask Ava for a second chance she still didn't feel she deserved, but one she wanted nonetheless. Ava deserved the world and she would give that woman anything she could. If Ava wanted her, she could have her  - body, mind and soul, but nothing would be achieved without complete honesty. With another drink straight from the bottle and started at the beginning.

She told Ava about her nightmare that woke her that day, - of the little girl and her father that she killed. Told her about the death totem, Mallus and Nora Darhk. Told her how she heard everything Ava said to her while she was possessed. She told her about John Constantine telling her he chooses to be alone so no one can see how lost he really was and how the last thing she wanted to do was hurt Ava, but that it felt inevitable. Nothing she did was ever good enough. No matter how hard she tried she always ended up screwing up and someone got hurt. “I would die before I hurt you,” she said to finish, tears flowing strong down her cheeks. “You deserve so much better, Ava.”

“Why don't you think you're good enough?” Ava asked seriously, a second before an incredulous look overcame her face. “And who the hell are you to tell me what I deserve? I get to decide what I deserve. I get to decide who is or isn't good enough for me.”

“I agree.”

“And I sure as hell...wait, what?”

“I agree.” Sara's said, wiping her face with her sleeve. “I had a talk with Zari earlier and she put things in perspective. Really got me thinking. Death is a part of me and that will never change, but it's only a part. I have other parts too. Good parts, or so I'm told,” she chuckled, but Ava wasn't buying it. She could see the vulnerability behind the smile, and the disbelief.

“Sara, there is so much good in you. And I will spend as long as you need showing you until you believe me. You _chose_ to come back. You chose to come back to a life without your sister, a life with your past, a life with pain and regret. You chose that rather than anything Mallus could have offered you. You could have had anything. You chose to come back.”

“I chose you.”

Ava smiled. “You're a good person, Sara.”

Sara smiled and looked down at their hands just a couple of inches from one another. As if sensing Sara needed her strength, Ava turned Sarah's hand over and slipped her hand against the other woman's palm. Sara tried not to let her heart soar at what Ava said, but the minute the words were out of her mouth she instantly felt lighter. That and the hand in her own made the rest of what she had to say easier to come out.

“I thought about what Zari said. Wally even helped me meditate on it which isn't really my thing, but was sort of helpful. I don't believe I have as many good parts as everyone seems to think I do, but if I'm the only one who doesn't...maybe that means I'm the one who’s wrong,” she looked up, half expecting some cheeky retort about alerting the media because Sara Lance admitted she was wrong, or wanting it in writing, but only saw a caring and supportive face looking back at her.

“I thought I was pretending the bad parts of me didn't exist, but they were there when we were together and I wasn't pretending. Not for a single second that we were together. I was happy.” More tears fell. God she was turning into a sap, but she found that when Ava was involved she hardly cared. Especially not if baring her soul like this got her the love of her life back. Ava moved closer and put her other hand around Sara's, so that Sara's hand was now securely between both of hers and Sara pulled every bit of strength from it she could.

“I haven't done this in a long time, had a real relationship. Not that my previous relationships have been all that healthy anyway, but . . . I don't know what I'm doing-”

“You pushed me away,” Ava reminded gently, but Sara still had to look away.

“Yes,” she agreed. “Doesn't mean that's what I wanted. Just felt like the right thing to do.”

“There are two of us in this, Sara. Shouldn't we decide what the right thing is together?”

Sara nodded sadly. All she ever did was mess things up. Relationships, all of time... It was what she was good at. At times she felt it was _all_ she was good at.

“Hey, stay with me,” Ava said softly, moving a hand to Sara's cheek. “Don't get sucked into your head. Listen to me. Stay with me.” She waited a few moments until Sara's eyes met hers again and she could see that Sara was there and present with her. “We all have demons, Sara. Granted,” she chuckled. “Yours is an actual, real life demon set to destroy humanity, but-”

Before Ava could finished, Sara surged forward and connected their lips. It was heartbreakingly gentle. A mix of lips, love and longing. A connection neither woman thought they would have again. Ava's other hand wrapped around the back of Sara's neck to deepen the kiss as Sara reached out and grabbed onto the first part of Ava her hands came to and clung for dear life.

How could she ever think she could live without this? She knew Ava was a once in a lifetime kind of happiness, one that didn't come around a second time, but she had made peace with that. That was her punishment for all she had done in her past, but with every movement of lips and tongue Ava Sharpe was stitching the broken parts of Sara's soul back together and making her think that maybe she did deserve this. So she's not a happy, glow-y type of person. Ava wasn't asking her to be.

_“I don't want you to be normal!”_

With Ava Sara could be herself and that was freeing and terrifying at the same time. But if there was anyone worth risking everything for, it was Ava. Reluctantly she pulled away and looked as deeply into Ava's eyes as she could. Eyes her favorite shade of blue. Eyes she wanted nothing more than to make light up again. “I don't know what I'm doing. And I don't believe I'm as good as everyone else seems to believe, but I'm going to work on it. I want to work on it. I'm going to try to see all the parts of me, not just the bad ones. But, to do that,” she paused a moment to swallow the lump in her throat as her voice cracked. “I need you. I'm so sorry, Ava. I never wanted you to feel that you weren't wanted. I do want you. More than anything. I am absolutely head over heels in love with you and I promise if you give me another chance I'll-”

“Stop talking,” Ava interrupted and Sara felt her heart fall right out of her chest. After taking a moment to take everything in and collect herself Ava took Sara's hand again and turned to her with a smile, her eyes regaining a bit of that light Sara fell so hard for. “I don't know who, or what, ever gave you the idea that you are less or that you don't deserve love or to be happy, but I am going to change your mind.”

Sara's eyes sparkled. “Gonna be hard work,” she smirked.

“You usually are,” Ava teased. “Anything worth having is. And you, Sara Lance, are definitely worth having.” Ava leaned in again and claimed Sara's lips in a soft, but passionate kiss. “We're dealing with time travel and super villains here, but . . . this is _us_ , Sara. It's you and me.” Though she said it with a smile, a tear fell that Sara couldn't help but chase away with another kiss. “I don't need you to be anything other than who you are. I fell for _you - d_ eath, darkness and all. I know it will be bumpy and I'm sure you will give me more than my fair share of headaches, but I would choose that over not having you every single time.”

“Every time?” Sara asked, full of self-doubt and vulnerability, but also amazement. Amazement that someone as wonderful as she had come to see Ava was, would want her. Broken, damaged pieces and all. But she had to trust it. Trust that Ava knew what she was doing because she sure as hell didn't.

“Every. Single. Time.” Ava nodded, her eyes full of nothing but love and understanding. “You just have to work with me. I know things will be tough, especially with Mallus, but don't push me away. Please. We can do this.”

Sara nodded, but... “Mallus is still inside me.”

“I've already got you back from him twice. They say the third time's the charm-”

“Exactly,” Sara said seriously. “What if the third time I can't come back? I don't want to hurt you, Aves. I almost killed Ray and hurt every member of my team-”

“No, Sara,” Ava interrupted, looking as serious as Sara had ever seen her. “You didn't. Mallus did. You came back.”

_“I need you to come back to me. I need you to come home.”_

“To you.” Sara smiled sadly. What Ava was saying was true, she knew, but it was still through her body that members of her team were hurt. “One way or another I'll always come back to you.”

“Then see,” Ava said with a smile, brushing Sara's hair back behind her ear. “Problem solved.”

Sara smiled, trying so hard to ignore the doubt screaming in her head. Being vulnerable and open with Ava came easily. Maybe it was because the director knew her past and wanted her anyway, but it was still scary. Having someone knowing who and what she was was terrifying because she couldn't help but think that eventually it would become too much for even Ava Sharpe and she wasn't a woman you could get over. She tried this past week and failed. But Ava was here. “Ava, you...I felt you. When Mallus had me.”

Ava nodded softly, bringing her hand to Sara’s chest. “I put my hand over your heart.”

“I felt you.” A tear slid from the corner of Sara's eye as she covered Ava’s hand with her own. Ava's touch, through whatever dimension Mallus had dragged her to, felt as though her heart was physically filling with everything Ava was. Her smile, her laugh, her kiss, her touch, her voice gave her the strength to fight her possession and come back “In my heart, in my soul. I heard everyone talking to me. My team, John, but you're the only one who got through. I'm going to need you now more than ever. I have no hope of defeating Mallus without you. But I don't...I don't want you to think that's why I want you back, because it's not. I-”

“I get it, Sara,” Ava interrupted gently. “I'm here. I will always be here,” she smiled. “Whether you want me to be or not.”

That was all Sara needed. Just a simple sentence, a few words, _“I'm here,”_ and the damn broke, tears streaming down her face as sobs wracked her body. The past week had been excruciating for both of them. Sara melted into Ava's arms when the taller woman reached for her and held her as they cried together. “I'm so sorry. I do want you. More than I've ever wanted anything.”

“Shh,” Ava cooed. “I'm here Sara, I'm here.”

“I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.” Ava broke from their embrace and brought Sara's lips back to hers. They clung to one another as if their lives depended on it and kissed like they were drowning and the other was the oxygen they needed to survive. Despite the tears and the pain, Sara could have floated away with how happy she was if not for Ava keeping her grounded. Ava's strong arms around her, her heart beating fast under her hand, her whole world around her showing she wanted her too, it was...there were no words for it.

People believed in her. Her team, Ava...they believed she was someone good, that death was just a part of her rather than the whole part. Usually Sara lived to prove people wrong, but for the first time she wanted to prove them right.

Sara shook her head and reached up to cradle Ava's face. “Never again. I promise,” she barely had the words out before she brought their lips back together and nothing else seemed to exist, to matter. Everything faded away until all that was left was her and Ava. She needed this. They both needed this. Ava had rescued her from Mallus twice now. That had to mean something. Sara wasn't a big believer in 'signs' or 'soulmates' or anything like that, but that meant something. She wasn't sure what exactly, but it meant she should never have let Ava go in the first place and she would do everything in her power not to ever again.

“Will you...” Sara shook her head and tried to blink away the tears only for Ava's hand to reach out and wipe them away.

“Will I what?” Ava prodded gently.

Sara swallowed thickly, but even with that it was a few moments before she could speak and when she did it was a voice so full of vulnerability, hurt and a hope. “Will you be my girlfriend? Again? I promise I won't push you away. You are all I want, Ava.”

Ava's smile was so bright Sara could feel it in every cell of her body and as soon as Ava nodded her agreement, Sara kissed it right off her face. “I think that's enough talking. I've always been better with actions.”

“I don't know,” Ava smirked. “I think you said some pretty amazing things in the past few minutes. Especially the part about being head over heels for me.”

“Hmm...” Sara mused to herself. “What part was that?”

Ava rolled her eyes. “You are such a jerk.”

“I know it's only been a couple of weeks-”

“Well, a couple of weeks in the temporal zone. With time travel and everything it's been a little longer for the rest of the world.”

“I don't care how long it's been. Days, weeks, months. I love you, Ava Sharpe.”

Ava smiled again and Sara made a promise to herself to do whatever she could to bring that smile to her face as often as she could. “I love you too, jerk.”

Sara laughed, the first real laugh she'd had in weeks, leaning in to playfully nip Ava's bottom lip as she slid her arms around the other woman's neck. They both smiled into another kiss, Sara pulling Ava over her as she slowly let herself fall until her back was flat against the couch and Ava was above her, their bodies flush.

_“I need you to come home.”_

Home. Somehow she'd found a home in this hard-assed, rule following, color inside the lines time agent. Turns out Ava was so much more than that, but to find a home in her had been the least thing Sara ever expected. But she would do anything and everything in her power to come back to her. Always.


End file.
